Speckles of Time

Some people cannot but burn so bright as to use up all the oxygen, leaving the rest to suffocate.

You broke my heart, shattered it into million pieces, pieces that I am not sure I will ever be able, or willing, to put back into a marvelous story I hoped for us, hoped from the moment  I met you. It just... I would say hurt, but it is not that... It feels so... Empty, empty without my dreams, the dreams I used to dream for us. Empty without the hope, the hope I used to feel dancing in my heart whenever I heard your voice or saw your face... Just empty. I am not sure I will ever be able to forgive myself, forgive for giving you such power over me, and my dreams.

Do you remember that sunny winter day by the beach? A day when your head rested gently in my lap, Soaking in the sun, Listening to the waves crashing into the shore. A day when I got the chance to finally explore every inch of your face, Your eyebrows, Your ticklish eyelids, Your nose, Your slightly crooked, but voluptuous lips, Your sporadically ginger beard. A day when I got to stroke your hair, And play with your beard, Hours on end. A day when you opened up to me without saying a single word. A day when my heart met yours, And together they sang a tune only the two of us know. A day that marked the beginning of something special. A day when you told me everything without saying anything. A day when sun shone, And sea played. A day when all was, And all was not. A day when we just were.

Sometimes your words, Cut like a thousand knives, Piercing my heart, Both one by one, And all at once. ... I wonder, Will you ever admit it to you? To me? Or will you forever hide and run from it? ... I know you love me and mean well, But your running hurts me. It slowly tears my heart, Until t here will be nothing left to tear. ... I know I don't show it, But there is only that much I can take, Before I become a shadow of a p erson you know. Or worse. A monster you don't. Because once I love, I love hard and deep and give my all. But I expect the same back. There is no in-between or maybe. I want it all. Unapologetically. ... I just hope you wish the same. Because I've cried too many times, And I fear there is only a few left, Before it all turns to dust.